After reading other blogs and looking back at the summary of tasks for part 2 I’ve realised I’ve not actually completed what was asked. I have been extremely busy with school shows, dance school shows and assessments……and getting over the dreaded flu! I really need to set aside and dedicate time to the course to avoid slipping behind.
Previously
I have chosen to do my journal writing experience based on Moon and Reid framwork upon an event that happened only a few weeks ago that made me question can you actually combine friendship and work.
Already having the worst few years of my life, with the loss of my Grandad to cancer last year and then this September my Nan suddenly passed away.
I went to work as normal setting up for my first class which went extremely well …. A colleague came over to me and said that my brother is waiting in reception for me; I knew straight away something was wrong. I ran to reception where he asked me to come outside then told me my nan had passed away, I felt my whole life flash…I was in complete shock .. school had already packed my bag and told me to go and my classes were covered, that was only the start of the day … I had a show planned in a month’s time I rang my best friend and told him my devastating news… he immediately stepped in and told me to be with my family and he would organise the rest of the show theatre and set. The show was to raise money for cancer research in memory of my grandad. I was so relieved he said he would help me, he took control and told me that everything was in hand, which took a lot of pressure from me.
Description
2weeks later
After work I went straight to my grandparent’s house to help with clearing a few things out, My friend called me like always to let me know that the dance school was running fine and the show was on its way. I continued with my family helping out, then had a call from my backstage manager to ask me who are the backstage crew for the show, I was then informed that no one had been asked … I was slightly alarmed as he had told me that all was organised. I then rang the theatre to find out the theatre was also not booked and not only that but we had no set which meant I had one week before the show went on to organise everything myself I tried to call him and left him a messages heartbroken asking why he has done this to me. He never rang back.
Initial Reflection and list
I was so angry, disappointed and hurt but also felt so let down; I could not let this domineer our plan of the show and the charity this had to happen and would even though I was devastated I felt so angry, scared and a great deal of loss, in that second I felt I had lost everything.
This section really helped me to delve into my deepest thoughts where no one could judge me. I could write whatever I really felt. I listed all the words I felt towards loss and how dis-heartened I felt which were all negative. As I was writing I stopped, took a break, came back and read through what I had written, I then realised that the anxiety I was feeling was quite normal, but I had forgotten to think upon the people around me my family, my students, all my thoughts surrounded me.
Evaluation
This section I found quite difficult I had lost my best friend he would obviously have found it very difficult to contact me and I him. I wish I could turn back time but being unable to do that I can only reflect what if I had of offered him more help, I felt that my reaction may have been wrong leaving an answer phone message as he may have worried, My strength and determination to continue with the show and organise everything within the week surprised me, which made me realise no matter what goes on there’s no need to panic things can get resolved.
What if?
I didn’t enjoy writing the ‘what if’s’ at first as I felt nothing would change the events so what was the point in asking what if. I felt this was like punishing me …. Look how it could have turned out. …As I was doing this I could write for hours what if I never expected so much from my friend and I helped then no-one would be let down. What if I didn’t leave a message and waited to speak to him, would we still be friends. I used to believe things happen for a reason and you can’t change what happened but from using the ‘what ifs’ helped me to see things different. If anything happens like this again I will think back to the ‘what ifs’ and put them into practice, by the end of writing this section I could see the positive outcomes.
Another view
This to me was extremely hard to write from another perspective when I was so hurt and still feeling so angry. I had to come back to this at the end of the day. I found this helpful to see the side from a parent from the dance school, a student and my friend. Over the whole I found that this was not my fault and that my friend never meant to let me down he took too much on and didn’t want to say to avoid my disappointment. This was a calming writing experience which was very worthwhile.
Themes
My main themes from my day were, trust, delegating, friendship, taking direction, team building, betrayal, fight or flight, my strength to stand up and put right.
I have learnt a lot from this task and will defiantly use this structure in the future, I feel I am becoming more critical about the way I think, realising events that happen during the day can be sorted quite easily by taking the time to stand back and reflect. I feel I need to be more opened minded about seeing things from another person’s perspective instead of only my way.
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